Write Well Me

Emptiness

Hollow.
Empty.
A hole waiting to be filled.
My soul cries out.
In pain.
In need.
In loneliness.
Desolate.
Desert.
Despair.
The only hope is to forget.
To go forward.
To hope.

Attention Scammers: You'll be more successful if you're more authentic

It's a cold, late December night, probably in the 20s. Suddenly, there's a knock at the door.  "No one ever knocks on my door at 8:30 at night," I say.

We open the door, and it's teenage girl with several piercings, holding a laminated piece of paper, shivering and basically looking pathetic.

"Hi, I've entered in this communications challenge where I have to knock on 100 doors.  It's to help get rid of speaking-in-public phobia."

"You have a phobia of speaking in public?"

"No, it's just part of my marketing communications class.  See, I'm trying to raise money for a scholarship."

Because it's so freaking cold, I invite her in (which, by the way, I wouldn't have if Mark weren't here with me).

And she hands me the laminated piece of paper that has the title "Double Points" on one side and "Triple Points" on the other, along with a list of magazines on each side.  That's it. No sponsoring organization.  Nothing other than the title and the magazine list.

"Oh, so you're selling magazines?"

"Well, not really. See, you don't have to buy anything."

"Isn't this a magazine subscription?"

"Well, yes, but you don't have to buy a magazine subscription; you can donate money.  See, it's sponsored by Girl Scouts, but we're too old to sell cookies. So we're selling magazine subscriptions."

Uh-huh.

Her attempt at being funny and approachable.

"Oh, and this goes to my basketball scholarship."

Uh-huh.  (By the way, she REEKS of cigarette smoke.  I almost say, "Wow, it must be really hard to play basketball - and be good enough to get a basketball scholarship - smoking like you do." I resisted.)

"No, thank you," I say, and I lead her to the door.

She starts to cry. "This is my last door. They're picking me up in five minutes. This means I've lost. Now, there's no way I'll get my basketball scholarship."

Uh-huh.

She would have been so much more believable if she had thought through her scam and made it believable.

Problems:

• She changed her story several times.  She should have picked one avenue and stuck with it.
• The data didn't match her story.  No scholarship basketball player is going to smoke cigarettes, enough to reek.  (Interesting subpoint - I was the only one who could tell - from my years of growing up with parents who smoked.  I am extremely sensitive to cigarette smoke and can pick it up even in traffic from other cars.)
• Have better materials.  The laminated magazine list was amateurish.  If you're going to go to the trouble of creating scam materials to begin with, at least do them well.
• Too over the top. The tears at the end? Really?  Give me a break.

So, to all scam artists out there... the more authentic you and your materials are, the better a chance you'll have of pulling off a successful scam.

5 Common Pitfalls That Keep You From Getting Started Writing

It's time to sit down and write your article, and you can't seem to write a thing. You stare at your paper or screen, twirl your pen, tap the keys, get up and get a glass of water, sit back down, get up and go to the bathroom, sit back down, check Facebook/Twitter/Google+, twirl your pen some more...

And nothing gets written.

It's not because you don't have anything worthy to say - you do. You absolutely do. You are in business because you know something; you have a unique perspective on a problem and how to solve it. You have experience, client stories, case studies, maybe even research.

You have plenty to write about.

But nothing gets written.

You're probably suffering from one of the five common pitfalls that keep you from getting started.

1. You get stuck in the "What's the best way to say this?" You know you need to speak directly to the reader. You know your writing will be more powerful if your reader (i.e. potential client or customer) can see herself in your words.

While this is VERY important, don't let yourself be stalled at this point. Write what you can, and then start answering the following questions:

• How does this apply to the reader?
• Why does she need to know this?
• How has she struggled with this particular issue (whatever your article is about) before?
• How can you solve her problem?

Answer those questions, and you're much closer to talking directly to your potential client. And you'll have created some great fodder for your article to boot.

2. You think you need a formula or magic bullet. There are many article templates (and other templates for other kinds of business writing - sales pages, bios, speaker sheets, press releases...), and they can be helpful. However, if you spend too much time searching for the perfect formula and then following it exactly to the letter, that's exactly what your writing will look like: formulaic and just like everyone else's who follows that formula.

Don't forget to put YOU in your writing. What is it that makes you special and unique? What is your distinctive take on your niche? Who is that quirky person behind the words? (We're all quirky, more or less, to some extent.) Let the reader see YOU.

3. You don't think you're a good writer. Yes, some people are better writers than others, but the more of YOU you put in your writing, the more the reader can excuse some lapses in grammar and mechanics.

Write passionately about what you do, and the writing will reflect that. Then the words themselves actually become secondary.

4. You don't know how to start, and you can't move from there. You might think that every person who writes starts with the first sentence and writes chronologically until the last sentence. Not so. Think about movie making. Do you know that directors usually shoot scenes out of order, based on lighting, sets, actor availability, location, weather? It's only the final product that is in chronological order.

If you don't know how to start, but you know what you need to write, start there. Then, come back to the beginning. It may be that you don't know enough to write the beginning until you've written the rest. For example, for this article, I wrote the five ways you have trouble getting started and then the end before I wrote the first six paragraphs. (And, actually, I discarded the original end and did something different - but it helped me get the whole idea down in the first place.)

5. You don't think you have anything good to say (write), so why bother? If you started a business, then you have something good to say. You want to help people, so write about what you do. If you don't think you do anything good, then quit your business.

Yes, that's harsh, but one goes with the other. If you believe passionately in what you do, then you have something good to say.

So say it.

It comes down to just getting started and getting rid of those pitfalls that get in the way. Write what you can. Immerse yourself in the concept. Play with your ideas. And write what comes out.

Something will get written - something more powerful and compelling than you might believe right now.

Thoughts from 3 Days of Writing

Last week I hosted (and participated in) three consecutive days of my Just Write! Virtual Workshops.  I usually offer one a month, but I thought since last year's dead week between Christmas and New Year's was so popular last year, I'd do a three-day run. 

There were seven of us writing for the three days, and it was an amazing experience.  I was, at times, exhausted, exhilerated, proud, dejected, inspired, creative, plodding, on fire...

And it was even better than I'd hoped.  The seven of us created a lovely bubble around us.  Even though I was the only common denominator (no one knew anyone else), we all came together so nicely.  We were supportive, understanding, nonjudgmental, and motivating.

Here is a snapshot of some of our experiences:

• I didn't get as much done as I'd planned, but then I hadn't exactly scheduled it all out.  "This sales page will take this much time. Add time to write this campaign..." etc. AND I also know that what I got done wasn't done before; it's done now.
• One writer finished the draft of her book. She met her writing goals each day and felt that she earned her downtime after the workshop.
• Some writers deliberately planned activities for when their energy lagged (usually the last segment of writing). This might be looking through magazines for article ideas, filing, light research... whatever could be done that didn't take too much brain power but was still part of the writing process.
• One writer gave herself permission to write poetry and journaling to help clear her mind, instead of the business writing she had planned.  She followed her energy and allowed herself to whatever writing called to her. She also found that some things came out that she might not otherwise have allowed.
• Another writer learned she needed to be easy on herself.
• A new-to-Write-Well-U workshop participant (but actually a high school friend - cool!) worked on two novels. What he found most helpful was to break the projects down into bite-sized chunks. It's awfully hard to cross off "Write novel" on your daily to-do list. :)
• We learned that it doesn't have to "look" like writing to be part of the writing process.
• One writer found that not editing during the creative and writing processes allowed her to be much more productive and helped quiet the inner critic gremlin.
• We found that setting aside the scheduled writing time allowed (and in some cases forced) us to focus and get a lot more done.  (Having to call in and tell the others what we accomplished helps that too!)

And then some general tips we can all benefit from:

• Just do it.
• Good enough for now.
• Once the din settles, you can hear your authentic voice.

What is your best writing tip?

Thrive

Almost every year I have a theme for the year.  Sometimes, I don't figure it out until the end, but every so often, I actually come up with the theme ahead of time.  What a concept.

This year, beyond being just the Year of Hell, has been a tough one in many different areas.  Changes have abounded all over the place, all of them good (I have to believe that - that I'm stretching more into the person I'm meant to be, and that those changes are necessary for that process to complete).

However, in some cases, 2011 has been a year of struggle.

I don't want that any more, so 2012 will be my Thrive year.

I figured out the Thrive theme in the new Women Balancing Life and Business group of the Gaithersburg-Germantown Chamber of Commerce.  As vice-chair of the group, my committee designed topics for our monthly meetings, and December's topic was creating a theme for 2012.  I figured I would use a good theme like Abundance or Prosperity, but then one of the women recounted an NPR show about how women business owners in Montgomery County, Maryland, aren't just surviving; they're thriving.

That clinched it.  No other word would do.  Abundance and Prosperity seemed limiting in some ways, restricted to areas of finance or business.  I wanted a whole-life theme.

Since I've been playing around with my creative, artistic side (and my new easel), I decided to brainstorm what exactly Thrive meant to me. Here's what I came up with:




Now, here's the clincher.  My older daughter, Teen Child, came into my office one day and asked me what the diagram meant.  I explained each area to her and what it would mean to me to thrive in each area.

I didn't realize there was an ulterior motive.

Come Christmas Day, she gifts me with this amazing 2012 calendar that she made to honor my Thrive theme.  Each month takes on one of the areas from my diagram, plus two more that she came up with by herself (love and Universe - Uh, what 15-year-old has that capacity for complex thought?). She then wrote something for each one, along with images or photos to demonstrate the concept.

Wow.

I could say so much about this: being supported by my daughter, being seen, having a tangible way to consciously work on my theme and my goals, one of the most thoughtful gifts I've every received....

So, here's January....




Leadership - "You are a leader. You lead because people trust you, because YOU are trustworthy. AND remember to take care of yourself."

I love the picture of Big Dawn and the chain of Everyone Else.  Not because I feel bigger than everyone else. I just think Teen Child is clever.  :)

Are You a Rebelpreneur? The Free, Premier Issue of Rebelations Magazine Is Here!

As a business owner, you're probably struggling with differentiating yourself from everyone else, standing up, and claiming your Bold, Brazen self.

And that can feel a little lonely.

So, since I'm committed to helping you write from your soul, when Gina Bell invited me to write an article that challenges the status quo, kicks conformity to the curb, and honors every entrepreneur's desire to be successful and have an impact... I said a big Yes!

And now my article is featured inside the premiere issue of Rebelations Magazine!

Inside this free resource for “rebelpreneurs” like you and me, you’ll enjoy 15 other rebelicious articles AND what Gina has called the “Rebelpreneur Roadmap.” It's a series of thought-provoking, kick-in-the-pants questions that support an intelligent rebellion.

It's the first in the series, and it's completely free.

I have to say that when I got the sneak peek last week, I opened it up and printed it out and read each article word for word. I loved it!

Be among the first to join the Rebelution and jump inside the digital magbook. It's beautiful AND full of great, Rebelpreneurish resources!

When Your Children Are Sickeningly Creative and Intelligent

Actually, it's only sickening when they're way more creative and talented than you.

At twelve years old.

Sigh.

Small Child wrote this on a whim.  She had an idea, and she threw this together.

Made me almost want to smack her.

I am black.  I’d always said it made me ugly, that it was a fault in me.  He said differently.  He said that nothing could be further from the truth.  He made me believe that it brought out the beauty in me.  And I believed him.  I had devoted myself to him, him to me.  Why wouldn’t I?  We were a pair, a match.  And I thought nothing could change that.

Until the day when I woke up and he was gone.  I let myself believe that it was against his will, and he was in trouble.  Even though the thought pained me, it kept me from facing the lurking belief that he had left me intentionally.  I asked his friends, and he wasn’t with them.  There was nowhere else I thought to look outside of our dark little town.  It was truly dark, and a week after he had gone, the darkness consumed me.

It engulfed me, trying to pull me into its cruel legion of malice.  I fought against it at first, convinced myself that he would return to pull me into the light.  But he didn’t.  And I slowly gave myself away to the darkness, to the cruelty.  I started believing that he hated me, that there was something wrong with me, that I wasn’t perfect enough for him.  We had always been different, but different together.  We brought out the best in each other.

And so I blended into the darkness, and became part of it.

When you give yourself to someone else completely, you are left with nothing when that someone leaves you.  And that is what I was now.  An empty black hole, sucking in darkness and spitting out my true emotions somewhere far from here.  I started not moving for days, sitting in an empty corner, relishing the loneliness.  And nobody bothered me.  I was the one without a match, without a pair.  I was different, but this time it was only me that stood out.

And then, there was another.  He was tossed into the darkness along with me, and I could tell that he suffered the same loss I had.  I slowly watched him go through the agonizing steps that I had taken to become the black hole I was.  He transformed from something definite and alive into something vague and forgotten, like me.  I suddenly realized that I had become a monster, that I was not worthy of a soul mate, a match.

So, slowly, I came to find the light, and stepped into the world.  I saw faces that I had seen only in distant memories.  I came to the world, welcomed it, even.

But it did not welcome me.  The damage was done.  I was neglected and tossed aside.  I saw friends enjoying the world, savoring it.  But they all had a match.  They savored life with another, a soul mate, just like mine.  I saw them, and I knew I would never be the same.  I would never be accepted.  Only with him would I be included.  I was nothing without him.

I found the other, dark, lonely soul who had gone down the lonely path I had, and I thought it didn’t have to be this way.  My soul mate was elsewhere, but could I not be a pair with another?  I approached him, offered my accompaniment, and at first he declined, as I probably would have, but then he reached out.

It didn’t last.  We reached the sunlight once, and that was it.  That was that.  I was black, empty, forgotten.

Then was the day when he came back.  My match.  My true soul mate.  The one who could fill my blackened skin with love and cherishment.

On that first day, we were distant, unsure, wary.  But when night fell, we embraced each other and simply relished in each other’s presence.  And now we were together.  Whole.  A pair.

Because that is the life of a sock.  You cannot be anything without your match.  But when he is lost or forgotten or folded in between a couple of towels, you have nothing.  But when he comes back, if it is possible, you seem to love him even more.  And I do.

New and Review

Lots of changes.  Tons of changes.  Some of which I've embraced and others where I've had no choice.  And my great belief and faith is that all the change, all the Phoenix Rising moments, are exactly what are needed and wanted.

I'll be - I AM - the better for all the change.

I journaled for the first time today since I've been back in Maryland (there's a perfect coffee shop in downtown Carmel, California, where I wrote four days - unheard of! - and I miss it so much).  After I did my journaling today,as I do once or twice a year, I went back to journals I wrote in the last four years.

Wow. That was quite a perspective.

If I ever needed the movie of my life to show how different things are now compared to a year ago, two years ago, three years ago...

I'm different. And yet somehow more me.

The biggest thing I've realized is that I've spent the last forty years (sigh, it just SOUNDS old) with many of my relationships have been unequal in power, with me usually on the losing side. As I delve more into chakras and archetypes, I was particularly struck by the archetypes of the third chakra: dysfunctional Victim and functional Warrior.

I've consciously spent the last six or so years taking back my power and being more the Warrior.

All the important relationships in my life are there by choice. No victim status here.

Anyway, the point is really how struck I was by how I go back and review journals, and the insight that brings. Do you read back over journal entries you've written?

Give Yourself the Gift of Writing - You'll Appreciate It

Yes, I know December is busy, busy, busy. Shopping, decorating, cooking, baking, connecting, parties, more shopping, wrapping, stress, oh and probably a little work here and there...

I bet you're not getting much writing done, huh?

I've been holding Just Write Virtual Workshops for almost a year, starting last December for this very reason.... *I* wasn't getting any opportunity to write. I decided the only way I was going to write was if I scheduled sacred, nonnegotiable writing time.

And then I thought, "Hey, how cool would it be if other writers joined me, and we all held each other accountable?" So I scheduled the very first Just Write Virtual Workshop during the last week between Christmas and New Year's as that can be a quiet, slow time for many of us, and the perfect time to write.

It was a huge hit, and I've been holding Just Write Virtual Workshops once a month (mostly) since.

This December, I'm doing something a little different (actually, two different things, but more on the second a little later). This year, I'm holding three Just Write Virtual Workshops in a row. You can sign up for just one, two, or all three.

Imagine how much writing you'll get done!

Now, here's the second different thing... through this Wednesday, December 7, I'm offering a 25% discount when you register for any December Just Write Virtual Workshop.

For 1 workshop - regular price of $29.  With the 25% discount, you save $7.25, with a total price of $21.75.

For 2 workshops, regular price of $58.  With the 25% discount, you save $14.50, with a total price of $43.50.

For all 3 workshops, regular price of $87. With the 25% discount (and an additional savings of $20 for registering for all three), you save $36.75, with a total price of $50.25 for all 3!

Just use coupon code DECEMBER25 when you sign up.

WHAT: Just Write! Virtual Workshop
DATE: Choose from three dates (or a combination):
Tuesday, December 27,
Wednesday, December 28
Thursday, December 29
TIME: 12:00pm - 4:00pm eastern each day
LOCATION: Virtual! From wherever you want to write (but try to make sure it's a quiet place, as there will be a group of us together).
PRICE: $29 for each workshop - includes the four-hour workshop, handouts, and on-the-spot coaching.

(Remember to use coupon code DECEMBER25 to save $25 off the $29 workshop registration price.)

Find out more and to register for a Just Write Virtual Workshop.

I'm giving myself the gift of writing time. How about you?

P.S. I just have to let you know that I had a ton of fun with creating the coupon code. (See what a real geek I am?) It's a December sale, and it's 25% off. So, the coupon code became DECEMBER25. And guess what day that is? (Yes, I know you know what day that is.) And this whole email is about giving yourself a gift. Cool, huh?!

Another Take on the Idea of Beauty

While I feel strongly about the idea of beauty as inspiration, I by no means cater to the surface beauty messages that are launched at us from every which way.

Thanks to Laura Biering for sharing this video.  It's a powerful statement about beauty and women.  Warning: there is one "bad" word toward the end, and it's powerful.

Beauty Is Necessary

I've been struggling for a few years with  my idea of a writing divination deck.  I had a great idea combining the principles of feng shui with writing.  And I just about finished the deck (52 cards) and its accompanying guidebook.  I've only lacked 7 cards.

And it's been in that state for at least a year.  I've struggled with those last 7 cards as well as an idea for a design.  While I've entertained lots of ideas and concepts, nothing grabs me.

Recently, I figured out why this project has stalled, in all actuality, stagnating.

It's not the deck my soul cries out to create.

I need to be inspired from the design of something to how it reaches me deep inside.  What's come up for me is a different deck, Writing From Your Soul Divination Deck.  I've come up with 100 words, started the guidebook, and already  have an idea - that thrills my soul - for a design.

All in about ten minutes.  Really.

THAT is what has been missing... the inspiration of beauty, of words, of really reaching into my soul (and hopefully the souls of people who will use this deck).

And even though the words are important, and the heart and soul of the deck, they have to be beautiful.  I have to love holding them, feeling them, turning them over and over in my hands and loving what I see.  I have to want to gaze upon them and just feel soul-filled when I do, almost with an ache of "Could something truly be this beautiful?"

Here's to beauty that makes our souls ache.

Be Bold. Be Brazen. Be You.

You have a product or service that solves a problem and that people need, and you want to share that.

But then it comes down to communicating with your target market… that's where you get stuck. You have to write blog posts, ezine articles, sales pages, campaign emails, affiliate materials… the list goes on. You have trouble taking that concept of your valuable product or service and confidently and powerfully communicating it.

You feel like you are not connecting with your market. (And you're not.)

You don't feel like anything you have to say is worth reading. (It's not UNworthy; it just needs more of you.)

You doubt that anyone cares, will buy, will sign up…. (And you will have fewer sales and sign-ups to your list-because they won't feel compelled. They won't believe. Because you don't.)

And so you stay small. Which gets you nowhere.

Sure, there are models and templates to help you with the technical aspects of what you need to write. But here's one thing they don't do: they don't have room for your soul.

THAT - the soul piece - is what's going to allow you to connect, reach more people, make a difference.

To really write from your soul, you have to claim the bigness of who you are and what you do in your business.

Because if there's any part of you that's playing small, wanting to hide, afraid of rejection and what people think, you can't very well write from that place.

So, what if you believed wholeheartedly in yourself?

What if you truly accepted that you and your business are needed in the world?

What if you stood up, shoulders back, chest out, arms open wide and yelled, "I need to be here! The world needs me! Watch out! Here I come!"

What if you chose to give all yourself and put it all out there?

What would your writing look like then?

People will be attracted to you. They'll mimic the woman in When Harry Met Sally: "I want what she's having." They'll watch you. They'll pay attention. They'll take you seriously. They'll notice what you're doing.

So, how do you go from being small to stepping into your bigness?

Be bold. Be brazen. Be you.

Breathe the following statements your body. Let your heart believe them. Act from them.

• I am confident in expressing who I am.
• I am different from all the others - boldly so.
• I am confident in my uniqueness, not ashamed.
• I am proud to express that uniqueness, to claim it.
• I claim the beauty in me and in what I do.
• I am bold. I am brazen. I am me.

When you write from that place, the world is going to stand up and take notice. So feel that, feel that bigness, feel that uniqueness, feel that youness… revel in it.

Do whatever you need to do to be in that place. Journal. Create a soul map. Call your voice mail and record a lovely message about how wonderful you are. Phone a girlfriend and say, "Okay, tell me about my bigness. Tell me what I need to do to be bold, be brazen, be me."

Whatever you need to do to claim how big you are… do that. And then, when you are in that place, write from your soul.

Being With Ourselves

I was recently writing with one of my favorite writing rituals, from Writing the Mind Alive: The Proprioceptive Method for Finding Your Authentic Voice, where you set up a certain kind of music to play for 25 minutes, and you write, without stopping, until the music stops.

And it's a deep writing.  You write whatever comes to mind, but the proprioceptive writing method forces (in a good way) you to go deeper.  You're constantly asking yourself, "What do I mean by ____ [a certain word or phrase that you've written]?" You go deeper and deeper and deeper.

It can be liberating and insightful, as well as exhausting.

During one of my writing sessions, as I was diligently writing and writing and writing, after each song, I'd say to myself, "Surely, this is the last song, and it's going to be done. And I can stop writing." And the music just kept going.  At one point, I almost got up to see if there had been a glitch and the music had somehow started to repeat. But I made myself keep writing.

What that told me was that it can be hard to be with one's self. We don't often allow ourselves to (or maybe even want to) listen.  We're afraid of it.  And what do I mean by "it"? :)  We're afraid of our own power, our own brilliance, the amazing life that is there waiting for us if we would just let go of that fucking iron grip.  We're afraid to let go and step up.  We're afraid to let that brilliance out for the world to see. We're so afraid that people won't accept it or see it... or maybe that they willl...

We end up keeping that brilliance hidden, even from ourselves. And we hide, cower, cover, dampen our light.

So, don't.  Be with yourself, as hard as that is, step up, be brilliant, and let the world see.

And let's not cower any more.

Writing From Your Soul Map in Draft Version

I've been working on an amazing thirteen-step process for Writing From Your Soul.  The process in a spiral has been calling to me, and I have a lovely (although somewhat plain) process drawn on paper.

Seeing some of the lovely artistic and creative brainstorming from some awesome business women (Laura West and Camille Gaines), I decided to try my hand at it.

Armed with big paper and sharpies, this is the second draft...

(It's a work still in progress, but I'm happy enough with it to share. Look for bigger and better soon!)

Creating Your Sacred Writing Bubble

"Writing time? Sure! I have a ton of stuff to write! Blog posts, Tuesday's ezine article, promotional copy for my upcoming program.... I could just write and write and write... But I'll get to it after these client calls. Oh, and preparing for my workshop. And let's not forget checking email and responding. Must respond right away, you know!"

So how much writing do you think gets done? Not much.

What I know from working with business owners with the amazing amount of STUFF to write is that they feel great when they write. They feel positive and successful. They wrote!

But getting them to that place where they write? It's like herding cats (or children).

What I've learned is that writing happens best when you create a sacred bubble around it. Writing doesn't just "happen." You have to plan for it.

• When are you going to write? Schedule that time and put it into your calendar. It's nonnegotiable. Do not give that time away. If something comes up - a client needs to talk with you, for example - treat your scheduled writing time as you would any other appointment. It's not a space of time that can be eaten into.
• Where are you going to write? Can you do this kind of writing in your office, or do you need a different environment and different energy? Plan for that and go to that place. Set yourself up for success from the very beginning.
• Structure your writing. Know for how long you're going to write. Just "until I'm done" might not be sufficient, and you might be setting yourself up for failure. "Gee, I planned on writing 80 chapters, and I didn't get it done. I suck." Personally, I like time limits as opposed to project limits. I write for 15 minutes, 30 minutes, 1 hour, whatever is appropriate for the day and/or the project ... I set that up ahead of time, and use a timer. I'm done writing when the timer goes off, and that's my benchmark of success.
• Turn off the phone ringer and close your email. If you have a cell phone (and who doesn’t?), turn it off or put it on silent. Put it in another room if you need to. (I speak from experience about this!)
• As part of that sacred bubble, create the sacred environment that works for you. Light candles or incense. Play inspiring music. Pull a card from your favorite divination deck. Watch a video to get into the mood. I find what works for me is to create a ritual that I tap into each time I’m going to write from the soul. It’s like Pavlov’s dog... my brain, heart, and soul know what’s coming.
• Have an ending ritual. You want to bring some sort of closure to your writing time. Otherwise, it feels anticlimactic. Blow out the candle, turn off the music, log how many words you wrote, give a silent blessing to the Universe for the words you wrote. Honor the sacred bubble.

How are you going to create your own sacred bubble of writing? Look through the points above, create your sacred bubble plan, and send it to me at dawn@writewellu.com. You might be surprised at the writing that actually gets done.

Are You Tired of Writing Being Hard?

Is writing hard for you?

Do you shudder every time you have to write something, even an email, because you're afraid of what people will think when they read it?

Do you struggle with where to put a comma, what the heck a semicolon is, the right word to use, how to end a piece of writing powerfully, or how to keep your audience's attention?

How much time are you spending in struggling to write a blog post, ezine article, marketing materials, emails?

What if you could just shoot off an email response? What if an ezine article or blog post just flowed right out of you?

What if you sent off a proposal or an information request, confident that your writing skills were strong?

Do you know how to get to that place?

I do. It's the six-month Writing Essentials Program. We'll cover just about everything to do with writing, including

• grammar
• punctuation
• easily confused words
• style
• voice
• introductions and conclusions
• flow
• creating tension (yes, you even need tension in a sales page and in an ezine article)
• Concise writing

It's an amazing journey that you'll go through in the Writing Essentials Program. Your writing will start to shift and improve almost instantly. You'll be aware of things you've never even thought about before. You'll get past any of your personal roadblocks and spend time where it's important - making sure you convey your message powerfully.

Here's the thing... you don't want to agonize over where to put a comma or how to end your article. You want to spend time focusing on your purpose, why you're writing in the first place, and then beef that up.

Purpose, not commas.

In the twenty-four week program, I'll also be incorporating my new Writing From Your Soul process so that you never lose the focus of why you're writing.

Ready to join me?

I’m offering a pretty steep discount for the remaining two seats in the class, which starts October 27, 2011, and ends April 26, 2012.

Here’s the special offer: $1800 pay-in-full for October's Writing Essentials Program - save $900 off the regular price. I'm also offering a generous payment plan: eight monthly payments of $300 - saving $100 off the regular pay-in-full price and $300 over the regular payment plan. This offer is available for you until Friday, October 14.

Find out more and apply today.

In addition, after teaching this class for six years, I’m making some improvements to make it even better – and really help you hone your writing skills. (And maybe even fall in love with writing!)

The last day to apply and take advantage of this great offer for this comprehensive twenty-four week class is this Friday, October 14. Don't miss out on being able to write powerfully and easily.

No Other Place To Go

The pain overtakes you, runs after you, tackles you to the ground.
You stay there, because, really, there's no other place to go.

Tears fall, witnesses to your failure,
Silent reprimands of all you should do, all you could do, all you don't do.

Steps are leaden, trying to drag you up,
But they just continue to drag you down.

You want to run away, but, really, there's no other place to go.
You sink to the ground, alone.

You cry out. No one hears you.  You're destined to be alone.
To despair. To suffer. To feel.

You take a step. And then another.
You write a word. And then another.

You hope, because, really, there's no other place to go.

Writing From Your Soul in the Real World

So you've decided that you'll set aside time to write every day, and maybe you've even scheduled a particular time to write.

You know you want to write from your soul.... it's the only way to truly to connect to your tribe and get your message across.... Your deep message, the one that's so all-fired important that you have to get it out in the world.

So you figure you'll just fit it in between dropping the kids off at school and your first client phone call at 9:00am.

Easy-peasy.... drop off the kids, walk in the door, grab your computer, sit down, and start writing from your soul...

And write powerful, impactful blog posts, articles, sales pages, and marketing emails.

And be done by 9:00am.

Of course, your mind doesn't stop. "I have to get such and such done before my 9:00am call." "I have to remember to respond to that email." "My assistant is waiting on that response from me." "I should call the three prospects for my new program." "Soccer practice is at 7:00."

Maybe not so easy after all.

Yes, you have a busy life. Yes, you have many commitments. Yes, you're trying to do it all.


But you can't force writing from your soul.

Now, that doesn't mean that if you're not feeling it, you just give up (and give in) and go answer those emails and do those tasks.

There's a process to writing from your soul. You have to figure out exactly what works for you, but here's a start.

1. Set a time to write. This can be every day or a specific time that you need to work on a project. Schedule it in your calendar. Don't let yourself give that time away; no exceptions. Turn off your phone (or put it in another room). Close out of your email programs.

2. Pay attention to your environment. Can you do this kind of writing in your office, or do you need a different environment and different energy? Plan for that and go to that place. Set yourself up for success from the very beginning.

3. Sit quietly for a few moments. You're going to have mind chatter; just accept that. Give yourself a few moments to hear all the crap that's going on in your head. Then, thank your mind for sharing, and turn your thoughts to your project.

4. Tap into your purpose and your audience. What is it that you want to write? Why? Who is going to read it? What do they need to hear? Why is what you have to say so important? What is it that you're going to share with the world? Connect to that deep place inside, and just BE from there.

5. Just write. Forget perfect. The most important thing is to get those core feelings, the essence of your soul, out into words. You're capturing the pain of your readers and the relief of your solution. You will come back to it later to polish it up.

You can write from your soul. You just have to give it a little help.

Me

Me.

Not me.

Me Yet To Be.

Not me.

Me.

What I Want For You

I want you to feel confident in expressing who you are.

I want you to be different from all the others - boldly.

I want you to be confident in your uniqueness, not ashamed.

I want you to be proud to express that uniqueness, to claim it.

I want to help you find the beauty in you and in what you do - and to help you express it.

I want to help you write from your soul.

Writing from Your Soul - What do you do when your soul is quiet?

Part of my process of writing from my soul is to give myself space, be quiet, and truly listen deeply to what my soul wants to say.

Sometimes my soul has quite a bit to say!  Then, my job is to express that, channel it through in words, to let my soul speak.

Great!  That's how it's supposed to work.

But then there are times when my soul is just... quiet. 

What I realize is that the quietness doesn't mean that my soul has nothing to say.  It means that I'm integrating all that has been going on.

I notice this integration almost always comes after a period of high processing, perhaps some stress.  In other words, when a lot is going on.

My mind, body, and soul need a chance to integrate all that has happened in the past few days.  To let it sit.  To figure out where to put all this stuff.  To let things sink in.  To absorb it.

I find - for me - that this is usually about a day.  Then, when I check in with my soul the next day, her voice is loud and clear.

Swirling

Swirling, swirling, swirling.
It won't stop.
A spinning spiral.
Emotions, thoughts, events.
Spinning, swirling,
Swirling, spinning.

Quiet.
Space.
Release.
Opening up.

The swirling has nowhere to go.
It slows.
Stops.
Dissolves.

What is left?
Blessed emptiness.
Relief.
Breath.

Writing From Your Soul - Why Even Bother?

When you write from your soul, you're connected.  You're connected to the message you want - need - to convey to the world.  And then when you write from that place.... you actively connect to your audience, the people who need to hear your message.

Think of it as creating this energetic cord from you to someone else.  That cord is your message, the thing you MUST convey.  That cord can be weak or strong, and the strength of that connection is directly related to how connected, how in touch, *you* are with your message, your deeper why.

"Of course I'm connected with my message!" you exclaim.  "It's my business. The thing I've been pouring my lifeblood into for years.  How can I not be connected to it?"

You have a message and purpose - the whole reason you started your business.  You want to get that out into the world.  You believe you can make the world a better place, that you can make people's lives better and easier. 

In the business world, we call these people potential clients.  The practical view of what you're doing in your business on a daily basis is that you want to have those potential clients buy from you. 

The deeper why goes back to your message and purpose and doesn't necessarily show up in MBA course material.  Sure, YOU want to make money and build your business, but you do that by helping others with your service or product.  It’s why you’re doing what you’re doing instead of working in a factory making widgets. 

(Because you could do that, you know.)

That all makes sense, I'm sure, so where does the problem lie?

The problem is that inner gremlin that is NOT tied into your deeper message and purpose.  He says things like

•    "What about your bottom line?”
•    “How much money have you spent this month?”
•    “How many people bought from you?”
•    “What if no one buys from you?” 
•    “What if you have this all wrong?”
•    “What if you're a failure?"

And, suddenly (or not so suddenly), you're no longer connected to why you started your business in the first place.

And so of course you can't write from your soul when you're there.

Writing from your soul requires that you get back in touch with that deeper purpose of why you're here on the planet doing what you're doing.

When you do that, that cord is strong, and the energy flows like wildfire from you to the other end. 
Writing from a more shallow, "because I have to" place, weakens and could even break that cord.

So, connect to your deeper purpose – write your message – connect to your tribe. 

They’re waiting.

How Are Your Writing Skills? Want Them To Be Better?

• Is poor writing getting in your way?
• Do you need to have excellent writing skills?
• When it comes to writing, do you shudder?

If you really want to jump-start your writing in a big way, the Writing Essentials Program is just the ticket.

With 24 weeks of writing intensive, you'll work on structure, mechanics, strategies, and techniques. You'll gain a writer's filter and view everything from the point of view of a writer. (Although when you're at the grocery store and reviewing the advertisements for fresh fruit, you might wish you could turn off the filter.)

I won't kid you; the Writing Essentials Program isn't a course for the lazy. It's for the person who wants to step into her writer self - for someone who wants to feel confident about her writing skills.

The next Writing Essentials Program starts October 27, 2011, and I'm offering a deep, labor-free (Happy Labor Day!) discount that's only available for a few days.

Through Tuesday, September 13, 2011, I'm offering a get-the-fall-started-right special: $1600 pay-in-full for October's Writing Essentials Program, and save $900. There's also a generous payment plan: eight monthly payments of $300 - saving $100 off the regular pay-in-full price and $300 over the regular payment plan.

Continue your journey as a serious writer and apply for the Writing Essentials Program before midnight on Tuesday, September 13.

(And if you're still not sure if this is for you, be in touch to set up a one-on-one conversation with me to see if the Writing Essentials Program is what you need.)

http://www.writewellu.com/writing_essentials_program.html

Writing from Your Soul in Business

You have a business to run, bills to pay, a team to manage, services to deliver, new products and programs to create.... and that doesn't include all the writing tasks you *should* do:

• A newsletter
• Blog posts
• Status updates on social media sites
• Marketing copy
• Web copy
• Your bio
• Speaker or one-sheet
• Chapter of a collaborative book
• Your own book
• Self-study program materials
• Compelling and juicy anything

Face it. You're writing (or should be writing) ALL THE TIME. Content is king in this online world, and that's how you're going to show that you are the credible expert in your area.

But you get stuck.

You don't want to write.

It's hard.

The words don't seem to come easily to you.

You don't have the time.

And so you don't write.

Part of the problem is that you're not writing from your soul. Because that is WAY too scary. Write from your soul? Heck no!!!!

Someone might snigger.

Someone might be offended.

Someone might leave.

Someone might not choose to buy.

Someone might not like you.

On the other hand, if you were to write from your soul...

Someone might not be able to get enough of what you have to say.

Someone might send your blog or newsletter to someone else.

Someone might Tweet about your article.

Someone might want to work with you.

Someone might tell you that your words touched her profoundly.

Someone might support you.

Someone who was about to leave might decide to stay.

What are you giving up if you don't write from your soul? First of all, you're giving up you. More importantly, though, you're giving up your chance to truly connect with the person reading your words. You have something to offer the world (otherwise, why are you even doing what you're doing?). Get it out there! Your soul wants you to!

What I can tell you is that when you write from your soul, the message is authentic, true, and maybe even intense. It's compelling to those who read your message. They're connected by an energy string that you don't even see, but it's there. That's the power of writing from your soul... to create a connection between you and someone else.

And only writing from your soul can create that connection.

I Don't Want To Write, and You Can't Make Me!

I don't want to write. Whine. Whine. Whine.

Why don't I want to write? Don't I have plenty to say? (Heck, some people will tell me I don't shut up enough.)

Is it that I'm stuck? No.  I have ideas and projects-in-progress galore.

It's more that I just don't feel like it.

It's that I'm not FEELING it.

I could pick a topic from the list of the things I would write if no one were watching, but I can't seem to tap, tap, tap deeply into what wants to be said. It would feel as if I were just paying lipservice to those topics, instead of letting my soul speak through me.

And sometimes I just don't feel like it.

Part of the problem is I've been very creative this week and even earlier today, so the creative muscle is a little tired.  My MIND wants to play and create, but the next step of putting some of those ideas into succinct and concise sentences just doesn't seem to want to play ball.

Maybe what I'm meant to do now is to dream... let my soul play.... not force whatever *I* think has to come out now.

What Would I Write If No One Were Looking?

I would write about my deep desire to write words that touch people's hearts and souls.

I would write about sex.

I would write about pain.

I would write about fear - and oh the places we could go.

I would write about how fucking scared I am that what I write actually sucks.

I would write so that my words sing.

I would write about my deep, soul-wrenching sadness that both my grandparents are gone.

I would write about the hopes and dreams I dare not share in daylight.

I would write about love.

I would write about choices and vodka.

I would write about daddies and little girls.

I would write about how hard it is to be a mother, especially a good mother.

I would write about intensity, and I would write WITH intensity.

I would write.

What if you actually scheduled writing time?

Every time I hold a Just Write Virtual Workshop, I get email after email from people saying, "Oh, I want to do that!! But I have _____ [fill in the blank with your favorite reason]. I'll do it next month!"

But then next month comes, and it's the same thing.

So, what if you scheduled writing time NOW? What if you went ahead and just signed up for the Just Write Virtual Workshop on Friday, August 12?

Here's what would happen...

• You'd feel like a kid in the candy store. "I actually get to write!!!!"
• Your brain would already start playing with your current project. You might even be inspired to write some notes, just to get you ready for Friday, August 12.
• You could finally tell your inner critic voice to shut up every time he starts to say things like, "Yeah, you say you want to write, but you never do...."
• More importantly, come August 12, YOU WILL WRITE!

And that's not all; you'll get the support of the group (if you've never written in an environment like this - even a virtual one - you have to experience it to really know the power), accountability, structure, and some on-the-spot coaching with me if you need it.

Won't you join us?

WHAT: Just Write! Virtual Workshop
DATE: Friday, August 12
TIME: 12:00pm - 4:00pm eastern
LOCATION: Virtual! From wherever you want to write (but try to make sure it's a quiet place, as there will be a group of us together).
PRICE: $29 - includes the four-hour workshop, handouts, and on-the-spot coaching.

To find out more and to register, click here.

No matter what you do, WRITE!

Beware the Writing Wasteland

I was recently reading a science fiction story from the 1960s, and parts of the story just draaaaaaaaaaag. There's this old writing saying that if your character is going to open the door, then you, the writer, need to be able to see the doorknob. It doesn't mean that the readers need to see the doorknob; just that the writer has to be very clear on what's going on in his story.

However, in this science fiction story, it's as if the writer needed to make sure that the readers see every doorknob, every stain on the carpet, every fray in the fabric. For me, it feels like I'm slogging through a wasteland with little hope of getting to the other side.

As trail guide, the writer's job is to help the reader navigate the trail easily and without pitfalls, chasms, boulders, logs, and wastelands. The reader should glide along, noticing what must be noticed, and getting to the end of the trail pretty much on his own (with the not-too-heavyhanded help of the writer).

The reader does not want to be reminded that he is reading the written word. He wants to be immersed in the message, the story, the solution.

But, of course, the writer wants to make sure the reader has all the information. This piece might be important! What if the reader isn't smart enough to figure it out? Then, let's make sure to tell the reader EVERYTHING!

And then the reader is trapped in a reading wasteland. Here is your own guide to avoiding the wasteland:

1. Show; don't tell. You probably hear this all the time, and it bears repeating, oh, about ten times a day. Don't tell the reader what he sees, smells, tastes, hears and experiences. LET him see it, smell it, taste it, hear it, experience it. Don't write, "The food was too salty." Instead use "He grabbed a handful of peanuts and threw them in his mouth. He almost gagged at the overuse of salt. Was this someone's idea of good food? He launched himself at the bar and downed a glass of Diet Coke as quickly as possible." See the difference?

2. Edit, please. In a first draft, it's absolutely appropriate to give "too much" detail. You as the writer have to be able to see what's going on. You have to see that doorknob. But if you give yourself enough time in between drafts, when you go back to the draft, you can better see what needs to be there and what doesn't. (Hint: not everything needs to be there. We really don't need to see the doorknob.)

3. Determine what is crucial. Every word, every sentence, every paragraph, every chapter should be there because it MUST be. Do we really need to know that Great Aunt Madge's curtains were blue? If it's not a crucial piece of information, then get rid of it. Your writing will be tighter and more concise as a result.

4. Create tension and suspense. Whether fiction or nonfiction, move your writing along like a master storyteller. Think cliffhangers, surprises, twists, convenient chapter breaks. Keep your readers hungry for the next word.

See the doorknob. Be the doorknob, if necessary. Just don't let your reader see it, unless it's crucial.

Things That Make Me Crazy Happy

I love beauty, not the superficial kind, but true beauty in things that takes your breath away.  Beauty that makes me glad I'm in the world.  Beauty in everyday life that allows me to see the big picture, to know there's more than my to-do list, to truly appreciate life.

Here are a few of the things that, pretty much on a daily basis, bring me joy when I look at them.

 

I received the 30-minute glass from a friend, and without knowing what I was doing, I rearranged things on my desk and created this mini altar - and a reminder to take time out (no pun intended) and to appreciate the good things in my life.

I recently found the pictures of the girls from when they were young, and I immediately ran out and found a frame that would work.  I love the beautiful, smooth faces and the looks of joy or mischeviousness (especially on Small Child on the bottom left picture).  I could look at these pictures all day.

We went to Shenandoah National Park a week and a half ago, and I took this amazing picture of the mountains.  I added it as my computer desktop wallpaper, and just looking at this picture brings me the same sense of peace and at-one-ness I have when I'm in the mountains. I frequently minimize everything on my desktop so that I can look at this picture.  (And, in case you're wondering, I do occasionally get work done in between staring at these pictures.)

I did some long-range planning with my client, and everything went up on these big month calendars.  I love the reminder of systems, processes, planning, good business sense, and creativity.  And sticky notes!!

I received this skin from a friend as a Christmas present.  She thought I might custom design my own with words or whatever might inspire me in a writerly way.  However, as soon as I saw this standard design, I didn't want to look at anything else.  Even seven months later, this design and combination of colors bring me joy.

When I was still in my old life and planning my new one, I imagined an artificial tree with white lights.  I finally realized I didn't have to wait until I moved, so I bought the $17 tree at Michael's and added an old string of Christmas lights.  This tree is on every day, even on bright sunny days, and it literally and figuratively lights up the dark corners.

This is my favorite piece of artwork I own.  There's something about Flaming June... her napping, the vibrant colors, a sense of not-caring.... This was the first thing to be put up in my apartment, and it hasn't moved since.

I've been having fun experimenting with cocktails with my significant other.  Even more, has been looking for (and sometimes finding) beautiful glassware.  It's amazing what you can find at thrift shops, and the gleaming glass makes me happy.  By the way, if you have a line on old-fashioned, small martini glasses, please let me know.  I don't like the huge ones; I like the classic style (and they are nowhere to be found!).

And then when the sun shines on them....

I don't like a lot of clutter, so anything on a surface has an absolute purpose to be there.  I love the combination of the crystal, the Cinderella box, and the Faberge-like egg (I can dream).

My decorating style in some cases is heavy baroque (or, as I like to call it - Early French Whorehouse).  This lamp is perfect with its little crystal danglies and the fabric shade.

I have these pictures across from my bed, and they're a constant reminder that I get to design my life the way I want.  And the color of the walls, a deep, rich copper, reminds me that I can have my life be as rich and vibrant as I can allow.

Reframing Endurance

Often, I pull a card from Sacred Journey deck.  I love these cards.  They're round, which immediately makes them different. They use symbols instead of pictures, and I love the idea of symbols.  And then there are the words. One main word for each card along with a phrase to give more information.

I frequently pull the "endurance" card. Sigh. Sometimes it feels inevitable.... that I'll pick "endurance" or "perseverance."  I wonder how much of those two elements are part of this life's story.  Endurance feels hard, that inevitability. 

Since I seem to pull this card frequently, I figured I needed to reframe it.  I seem to think that endurance is bad.  It's more than that, though.  It's more about what must be going on that I have to ENDURE?  Endurance doesn't say joy to me.  It has a hint of despair, of resignation.  Maybe that's where I need to reframe.

I'm not enduring because I'm resigned to a certain path or course of action.  I've chosen a particular path, and to see that path to its full end requires some endurance. 

If I think of runnig, endurance is a good thing.  It allows me to run farther and longer.  It means I'm strong.

So, endurance allows me to choose a path and know I can see it to the end.

Endurance = Strength = Conviction = Choice.

Why Don't We Want To Be Seen?

I'm working on my newest story, "Phoenix Rising," and in it, the main character Phoenix's main problem (the story-worthy problem for you writer types) is that the world doesn't see  her - she doesn't feel seen.  Of course, the real problem is that she doesn't see herself - and doesn't want to.

It's hard for any of us to truly look at ourselves, at who we really are.  What are we afraid of seeig? That we aren't perfect? That we can (and do) cause others pain? That we're flawed? That we sometimes - knowingly - make the wrong decision? But we all deal with that.

What I'm trying to figure out is what is it about Phoenix, her life, her situation that is different from what we regular folks have to deal with?

Yes, this is my story, and I have to figure it out, AND I think this is a question we all deal with.  (And a little input from y'all will help me figure out just what's going on with Phoenix.)

So, the question is.... what could it be about herself that she doesn't want to see?

(Thank you for playing "Le'ts help Dawn create more and more pages of notes.") :)

Scavenger Hunt #2

I don't give my girls their newest scavenger hunt until right before showtime.  Otherwise, I get criticism and negotiation.  :)  This way, I give them the scavenger hunt, and they go off and do it.  (With excitement, I might add, although they might deny.)

The teacher in me was going to do a very educational scavenger hunt, but since Teen Child is taking a very rigorous online health class, I thought it might be a bit unfair to add onto her four-to-five-hours-a-day workload already.  So, I went a little light.  :)

Flowers and Trees Scavenger Hunt

1.  Find 9 unique types of flowers (different colors of one flower do not count).
2.  Take a picture of each kind of flower.
3.  Find out, using whatever resources are available to you (Internet, library, librarians), the common name of each kind of flower (tulip, pansy, etc.)
4.  Find 6 unique types of trees. 
5.  Collect leaves from each type of tree.  (That's how you will know each kind of tree is different from the other - the leaves will be different.)
6.  Find out, using whatever resources are available to you (Internet, library, librarians), the common name of each kind of tree (oak, cherry, etc.)

Prize system

For each flower and tree documented and identified, each person receives $.50 credit to be used at Michael's or Staples.

I even created a Word document for them to record their findings. (If you want it, comment or email me, and I'll send it.)

(The idea is to keep them busy, you see.)

 

Searching for a Life to Give One's Self Completely To

A few weeks ago I watched a 60 Minutes special on this order of monks in Europe (I think - it's been several weeks).  One monk talked about devoting his life to the service of God.  He said, "People are searching for a life they can give themselves completely to."

That hit me on such a profound level.  I know for me this is true, although it manifests itself much differently.  I've found that there are certain dynamics that I've been searching for (and didn't know it) all my life.  And now that I've found how I fit in to these relationship dynamics with my life partner and true love, I do feel as if this is a life that I've given myself completely to.  I didn't know I was searching for it, at least not actively.  I knew I wasn't happy in my previous marriage.  I knew I was missing something, but I couldn't have ever named that, and at one point I didn't even know the hole was there.

But once the hole got filled up, fixed, healed, completed, I knew this was the life I was meant for.

Switching gears from personal to business, what about searching for a business life that I can give myself completely to?  I want my work to be meaningful, to have impact, to make a difference. Am I going to give myself completely to my work? No. Then I'd be a workaholic, and no one wants that.  I guess it's that, within limits, finding my core passion and purpose and business that I can devote my business life to.

So, how does this land for you? Are you searching for a life you can give yourself completely to? What does that look like? Have you found it? What does "completely" look like?

Brilliant Revision and Editing

Not only is Isaac Babel's advice sound, even the way he writes about editing is poetic.  I love his use of words and imagery like "words are very sly" and adverbs "can lend you wings in a way." 

"I work like a pack mule, but it's my own choice. I'm like a galley slave who's chained for life to his oar but who loves the oar. Everything about it.... I go over each sentence, time and again. I start by cutting all the words it can do without.  You have to keep your eye on the job because words are very sly, the rubbishy ones go into hiding and you have to dig them out - repetitions, synonyms, things that simply don't mean anything... I go over every image, metaphor, comparison to see if they are fresh and accurate.  If you can't find the right adjective for a noun, leave it alone. Let the noun stand by itself. A comparison must be as accurate as a slide rule, and as natural as the smell of fennel... I take out all the participles and adverbs I can.... Adverbs are lighter.  They can even lend you wings in a way.  But too many of them make language spineless.... A noun needs only one adjective, the choicest. Only a genius can afford two adjectives to one noun.... Line is as important in prose as in an engraving.  It has to be clear and hard... But the most important thing of all.... is not to kill the story by working on it. Or else all your labor has been in vain.  It's like walking a tight-rope. Well, there it is.... We ought all to take an oath to mess up our job."

What I Know for Sure About Writing

1. It's a need I have
2. I write much more than I think I do
3. It's a way for me to share my gifts with the world
4. It's a way for me to help, nurture, care for people
5. Anyone can write
6. There are few rules about writing, and the rules that ARE there can be broken - if you know why you're breaking them
7. All writers can improve their craft
8. Sometimes the writing process doesn't look like what we think it should look like
9. Eventually, you do have to actually get words down on paper or on screen
10. Words have power

Write Like No One Else - Write Like You

What makes good writing? Perfect grammar and mechanics? No. (And I'm allowed to say that since I used to teach 7th, 8th, and 9th grade English.) Huge vocabulary? No. Compelling writing that makes the reader rush to the next sentence because she can't wait to see what you wrote?

Yes.

So HOW do you do that? How do you make your writing so compelling that it's literally a page-turner?

Write authentically. Write as you, not as a carbon copy of some other writer, even one whom you admire. Don't play it safe, afraid you might offend a reader or two. Be bold. Be brazen. Be outrageous. Be you. That's what will draw readers in.

Write with passion. If you aren't passionate about your subject, you shouldn't be writing about it. Let that passion show through. Get rid of phrases like "I think, " "I believe," "I guess," "In my opinion." Be firm and stand behind your passion.

Show; don't tell. Don't tell your readers what they should think or feel. Show them. Describe in vivid detail what's going on and let them make their own conclusions. They'll happily come along the path you've blazoned for them.

Take risks. Are you writing a self-help book and you want to include illustrations? Do you really want to use "shit" in your writing, but you're afraid to, afraid you might offend someone? Here's the news flash - if you're doing your job and conveying a compelling message with words, you absolutely will offend someone. On the other hand, some readers, who aren't offended and completely get you, will race after you.

Go deep. Don't skim the surface. Dive into the pain, the joy, the desperation, the bliss. Feel it - and let it come through your words. When you do that, you'll bring your readers to those depths with you.

The more you write as YOU, the more compelling it will be. It's not safe; it's downright scary. But instead of toeing the line or straddling the fence, pick a side of that line or fence and stand firm. The people on that side will be drawn to you and won't be able to wait for the next sentence.

Almost - A Poem

"Almost"

The darkness is there
And then it passes,
Leaving an emptiness,
Almost.

More like a newness,
Like the fresh, clean smell
After a raging thunderstorm
That makes you forget
The lightning, thunder, torrential rain.
It's all a memory,
Already so distant you forget how terrifying it was.
Almost.

Now what?
Do you go out and play in the rain-soaked grass?
Splash in mud puddles?
Feel the soft, cool breeze on your cheek?
Or do you stay inside and watch, a spectator?
A spectator of your own life?
On the verge of claiming you?
Almost.

Expansion and Possibilities

The word that's been coming to me for the past several weeks has been "expansion." What does that mean to me? Possibilities, of course.  That something could be out there that I can't see or touch, so I have to expand my reach and my vision to touch and see it.  To become bigger. Step into my big self. ee myself as greater, bigger.

What can I do? What can I accomplish It feels as if the possibilities are limitless, expansive if you will.

And then there's this idea of focus and being in alignment with all sorts of things (my purpose, my authentic being, my voice, my dreams).  What does that look like in the real world? On a daily basis?

• Having quiet time
• Being centered and grounded
• Listening to the messages that are there
• Not getting caught up in frantic mode
• Taking time for myself EVERY day
• Doing those things that bring me joy
• Being creative - what if I had Creative Play Time every day?
• Writing
• BEing
• Whatever I do, being in the moment and being intentional

I took my colored Sharpies, noted these on beautiful cards, and posted them all over the house. There's one by my bedside table, one on my bathroom mirror, and one in my office.  They're lovely daily reminders to just BE and to expand into whoever I'm becoming.

Surviving Summer - Scavenger Hunt

The girls are home from school, and my goal is to give them a good summer this year.  Last year was definitely not the bomb for them.  Their father and I had finally sold our house and moved into our separate residences, to my relief but to my children's challenge. 

I want this summer to be different. They switch every week from my house to his.  He works out of the house full time; I work from my home office.  Which means I'm available - sort of.  We have camps, babysitting, vacations planned, but not every day is planned.  Being the organizational and somewhat anal wonder that I am, I came up with a plan:

• Pool each day that we can manage it (I really don't like the pool, but I'm learning to find the good in it)
• Projects (file CDs, clean out the writing desk, clean out school folders).  Luckily, my children are almost as anal as I so they actually enjoy this.
• Day trips - to DC, Potomac C&O canal, Sugarloaf where we can hang and do neat stuff, usually for pretty close to free
• And the big one... weekly scavenger hunts.

I created a scavenger hunt for them last summer based on Laura West's similar attempt to find something for her boys to do.  I listed 50 or so things, and the girls had to take pictures of each thing.  They got points for certain things - one point for each item, 50 extra points if they were all done in order, that kind of thing.  And then there were prizes based on how many points they got.  The girls still talk about the scavenger hunt, and I decided to create one each week they're here, each with a different theme.

Today is Scavenger Hunt #1, and the theme is ice cream.  :)

In case you're a mom trying to entertain her kids or you just want to have some fun, here is what the Goldberg girls have to do today.

List 20 flavors of ice cream

List at least 7 possible ice cream toppings

Name 3 kinds of white stuff to put on ice cream.

Name 7 desserts that involve ice cream?

How many healthy kinds of toppings can you name?

What is the most unusual topping for ice cream you can think of?

In general, what is the healthiest brand of ice cream?  Why?

Which brand of ice cream states that it has only natural ingredients? What are they?

What brand of ice cream is most expensive?

What brand of ice cream is least expensive?

How many brands of ice cream are there?

What different sizes does ice cream come in?

The prize?  I think it's going to be a half-gallon of ice cream - in any flavor.  Go figure.

How Do You Write From Your Soul?

We've all read the piece of writing that lies flat, that seems as if an intelligent monkey in a room with a typewriter could have randomly come up with that particular combination of words - words that make sense, but no soul to the writing. It's that writing from the soul that piques the reader's interest, and, better yet, keeps her enthralled and wanting more.

"Great," you say, "but how does one actually write from the soul? It's hard to do that all the time."

It's actually only hard if we're not in touch with what we're trying to get across. Even if you're writing nonfiction, you have purpose, you have a reason for writing. You have something to say that's important enough for you to decide to go through all this hoopla to actually write it down.

THAT's where the soul comes in. Write from your soul, and your readers will be pulled into your writing and your message.

How do you get in touch with your soul?

1. Listen. Sometimes this means you have to sit quietly. (I know - it's hard.) Let your soul be heard. Let your soul speak to you. What does she want to say? What's so important that she has to have you write the words? Why? Why? Why?

2. Pay attention to your beacons. What is it that motivates you? What's important to you? For some people, it might be the idea of healing the world, helping others find their authentic voice, entertaining through fiction.... What are your beacons? Keep those in mind as you write from your soul.

3. Write everything you hear. Don't worry about what you're writing, if it's good enough, if it's SOUL-ful enough. Get it all down. You can go back later and rearrange, bridge, connect, make sure it flows, add, subtract. But right now, don't censor your soul.

4. Put away fear and vulnerability. Let your soul's words come out. Again, you can always refine later. Right now, do the deep listening and write it all. You can always choose later not to include something. But letting it all come out now allows your soul to have a voice and for you to have plenty of material from which to craft your writing piece.

5. Commit to just writing. Forget about each and every step and how you have to research this, make sure you include that, etc. You can can investigate and look deeply later. Right now, you're just letting your soul speak.

When you let your soul be heard, your writing is that much better. Your readers can tell when you're really passionate about something or if you're holding back to play it safe. Leave playing safe behind and dive into your soul.

For Just $29, You Can Spend 4 Hours Writing Tomorrow

Get Some Writing Time in Before the Weekend

It's summer (or so close to it that we can fudge a bit), and whether you have children or not, just the summer energy (and the voices in your head saying, "Get out in the sun!") is enough to mess with your writing.

I ask you.... how much writing have you done recently? I bet it's nowhere near as much as you want.

So what if you set aside four hours tomorrow to.... just write? Imagine ending your Friday with that lovely glow of accomplishment that you didn't get having to endure the 98-degree heat outside.

And then, what if you continued that momentum through the weekend and wrote more? And more? And more?

It happens. People write with me during one of my Just Write! Virtual Workshops, and they get so excited that the momentum just keeps on. And even if it doesn't keep on, you've had four hours of writing that will carry you way ahead of where you were before.

Are you game? Wanna write?

WHAT: Just Write! Virtual Workshop
DATE: Friday, June 10 - TOMORROW!
TIME: 12:00pm - 4:00pm eastern
LOCATION: Virtual! From wherever you want to write (but try to make sure it's a quiet place, as there will be a group of us together).
PRICE: $29 - includes the four-hour workshop, handouts, and on-the-spot coaching.

To find out more and to register, click here.

Have You Lost the Fun In Writing?

Does writing just seem too hard?

Or is writing (that article, that blog post, that marketing email, that self-help book, that fiction story) one more thing on your to-do list, and you just try to get it done?

What if writing could be fun?

What if writing could be easy?

That's what the five-week class, Ready, Set, Write, is all about. It's about embracing the process of writing, learning how YOU uniquely see the world, and strategies that help you take a somewhat-vague idea and flesh it out.

And have fun in the process.

In Ready, Set, Write, we cover 50+ strategies to get ideas flowing, whether it's for a press release, an article, a story, a screen play, or other writing project. You'll spend five weeks practicing the strategies and observing how your writing process changes as a result. By the end of the five-week class, you'll have discovered which strategies work for you the best and have a bevy of techniques to strap to your writing toolbelt.

In addition, as part of Ready, Set, Write, you receive the 87-plus-page manual, Ready Set Write Toolbox, that describes each strategy with examples, a handy resource to have for every writing project.

Ready, Set, Write starts Tuesday, May 31, and the last day to register is Thursday, May 26.

It's an affordable, fun way to work on the creative process of writing (and it actually makes writing easier, but we'll cover all that!)

Find out more and register for Ready, Set, Write - and revel in the fun and creativity of writing!

When You Say Yes, You Also Say No

I've been wanting to write this post for weeks, but it just hasn't happened yet.  And it's a perfect example of this concept - when I choose to say "yes" to something, then that means I've automatically just said "no" to something else.

Let's say you have two hours to get four things done: A, B, C, D.  Each of those things is going to take 30 minutes each (making it easy here).

Now, let's say that something happens when you're doing A.  The bank manager says, "Well, you can get this done, and it will only take 30 minutes and it's done."

This particular task would be lovely to get off your plate forever (that whole "and it's done" is VERY attractive).  So, you say yes.

Well, you still only have two hours to get stuff done, so by saying "yes" to adding 30 minutes to task A, that means you are saying no to one of the tasks left: B, C, or D.

Makes sense, right?

Well, here's the problem.  We think in a vacuum.  We think we can get it ALL done because we've scheduled these four things, and, by golly, they're going to get done.  (And we don't want to have to say no.)

So either something gets dropped out unconsciously (and somehow we're so surprised when the two hours is up and we haven't gotten to D yet) or we expand past those two hours (which means now we're saying no to whatever was going on after the two hours) or we try to quickly shove it all in, and maybe doing a bad job in the process.

Saying yes isn't a bad thing at all.  It's just that we have to immediately think, "And so what am I saying no to if I say yes?"

For example, in choosing to write this blog post NOW, I've said no to writing some marketing emails.  They'll get done later (which means something else will be said no to).

And one final point.... if you say "no" to something, then you might be saying "yes" to something else that maybe you can't even see right now.

You Gotta Want It Badly

No matter how much we want and love to write, unless we're terribly disciplined or have deadlines (or an editor/agent looming over us), our default activity is not writing. In other words, if we have a spare minute, a break between activities, the rare gift of an unplanned hour, do we write? Or do we fill it in with stuff that "needs to be done"? Or take a much-needed nap? Or call a girlfriend and relax? Or make plans for dinner?

I will write - after I take a shower and get dressed - and after I make the bed - and after I do the dishes.

Why do I delay? Why do those things come before writing?

For one, those other things are calling at my attention, nagging me, so I tell myself that I'll write better if those nags are quieted. But the list of nags must be quite long because there are a lot of times that I never seem to write.

Secondly, I might be afraid of writing. I'm not where I want to be in my project. It's stalled. I want it to be perfect, compelling, and impactful, and I'm afraid it's not. Or it feels hard to get started, so it's much easier to do other things.

And - here's what I'm afraid of the most - maybe I don't want to write badly enough more than I want to take a shower, get dressed, make the bed, and do the dishes.

When I was teenager in Texas, I'd get up in the summer early and go run. The heat, no matter how early in the morning, was oppressive. Step outside, and one hits a wall of heat. Yet, I'd invariably get up and go run in that awful furnace. Why? Because I'd rather do that than deal with my parents when they got up in the morning. Running in the heat was preferable to being around my parents. I would rather run.

So what do we need to create so that writing IS the default activity and it is THE thing we would rather do than anything else?

1. Be aware of what DOES get in the way. Pay attention. Are they always the same things (chores like cleaning the house, work tasks like returning emails, etc.) that you do instead of writing?

2. Understand why you would rather do those things. Are they nagging items? Are they delaying tactics? Are you afraid of something?

3. Just do it. Make writing more of a routine, and it's harder not to do it. Kind of like brushing your teeth. You do it every day. The day you might miss, you run that tongue over your teeth, and you're constantly reminded that you didn't do it that day. So write regularly, and it will be harder to not do it.

4. Set up rewards. Yeah, it might seem childish, but it works. Don't schedule that massage until you've reached your word count goal. Don't eat the piece of chocolate until you finish a page. Your spouse cooks dinner if you write today. Make it so that you WANT to write because of what you get after you're done.

5. Visualize the end of the rainbow. What if you finish that character sketch? Wouldn't you feel great to have finally figured out your main character? You'd be so far along - farther than you are now. You don't have to see to the end of the ultimate rainbow (an entire finished project), just today's little rainbow.

6. Make writing pleasurable and fun. Don't want to sit at your desk and write? Go outside with your laptop or - gasp - a notebook and pen. Get a chocolate malt and enjoy while you write. Go to the park, the beach, the mountains, a tea room, a cool coffee place.... some place gorgeous and inspiring. However you design the pleasurable and fun aspect, only do those things when you write. So save that chocolate malt only for your writing times.

7. Set concrete goals. It's a lot easier to write with a measurable goal in mind instead of just write until....whenver. And, as soon as you hit that concrete number of words, number of pages, number of minutes, you are done!

8. Think of your writing project as an adventure. Where are your characters going to go today? What outrageous article title can you come up with? How brazen can you be and get away with it?

It's a blend of figuring out what gets in the way as well as thinking about what you could do so that you really want to write - and not do anything else.

10 Surefire Ways to Get Started On Any Writing Project

Have trouble getting started with your writing?

Have an idea but don't know how to get it down on paper?

Struggling with that first sentence?

Struggle no more!!!

10 Surefire Ways to Get Started on Any Writing Project teleclass is just what you need. We'll cover 10 methods that you can use on any writing project, fiction or nonfiction, at any point in the writing process (middles and endings, as well as beginnings).

In addition, we'll go over beginnings of various writing pieces to give you solid examples and models.

Finally, you get the mini Get Started workbook that you can use over and over for writing projects.

DATE: Tuesday, May 10
TIME: 7:00pm eastern | 6:00pm central | 5:00pm mountain | 4:00pm pacific
LENGTH: 60-75 minutes
PRICE: $19, includes live class, recorded audio, and mini Get Started workbook

What do you have to lose?

Maybe continuing to struggle and still not getting started.

So, let's get started!

Find out more and register for the 10 Surefire Ways to Get Started on Any Writing Project teleclass

Reorg

When I moved into my apartment almost a year ago, I delighted in the much smaller space.  As weird as that may seem, it's true.  It meant that everything had to meet at least one of three criteria: it had to be useful, it had to be beautiful, or I had to love it.  If it didn't meet any of those three, out it went. 

I donated, sold, gave away the things that wouldn't come with me.  (And to put all in perspective, the old, big-ass house was so big, that Chris and I had enough of almost everything to furnish two smaller residences.  In the big scheme of things, we had to buy very little once we were out on our own.

So, here I am moving into my first apartment.  Everything has a place, and if it doesn't, it gets scrutinized again.  How useful is it? How beautiful isi it? How much do I love it?

In the end, everytbing in my new home was there deliberately and intentionally. 

Now why, almost a year later, am I in this re-organization frenzy?

Part of it, is that we aren't static human beings.  We don't stay the same.  Our lives don't stay the same.  What worked before might need to be slightly - or majorly - tweaked.

That all makes sense, yes, but there's something more.  It didn't just start with one bit of re-organization; it spread and spread and spread. I think I want my environment, which is so important to me in my new life, to keep up with  me.  I'm constantly evolving and developing, and so my environment has to evolve and develop.  (But it doesn't do that on its own - it needs help - which means effort on my part.)

It started with my closet in my office.  I have a filing cabinet and a crafts cart in there (the closet serves double duty), and I had unfinished quilts stacked up on the top of the filing cabinet, which meant I couldn't use the flat surface for anything like papers or whatever.  Actually, if I think about it, it started before then, when Small Child started scrapbooking, and I unpacked a couple of boxes of my old scrapbooking stuff.  I needed to find places for these things, so in the closet they went.

Back to the quilts.... I wanted to use that hard surface of my filing cabinet, so I needed to move the quilts.  Now, I've done a pretty good job of maximizing the space already, so it's not like I just happened to have empty space lying around.  I cleaned out a drawer in my dresser (by getting rid of some clothes that I knew I wouldn't wear and consolidating contents of other drawers).  Now my quilts had their own space, and I had a usable surface in my closet.  (Now, if I can just get those unfinished quilts done, but that's another story.)

Looking at my closet, I realized it wasn't being used as efficiently as it could, so I asked M to help me make it more efficient (add shelves, whatever) when he was here (it didn't happen, but there's always a next time).

Next up was re-organizing my cabinet above the toilet that held nail polish, medicine, and band-aids.  Nail polish had taken over the place (I do live with two girls), but after my recent surgery and emergency room visit, my medicine section had grown.  And then I got a first-aid kit from M (he is a very practical man), and that needed space.  So, clean out the nail polish, make the girls store their horrid colors in their own bathroom, get rid of pollish that's old, and I now have a more usable medicine/nail polish cabinet.

Now for the current project, which I decided to take on this weekend.

During this last visit of M's, we explored my cocktail books and started experimenting with different cocktails.  While that was fun, it made me look at how my kitchen and dining room are arranged.  Some alcohol here (bigger bottles in the bottom cabinet), smaller bottles here (where they'll fit), glasses here, there, and everywhere.

I decided I could clean out one cabinet (it's always cabinets, isn't it?) in the buffet that currently stores vases.  I mean, really.... how many vases does one need at one time?  I'm thinking I don't need 17 all at once.  I'll take them out of the cabinet, move them to an unused shelf in the girls' linen closet, move the taller liquor bottles in there.  Then, I'll move the beautiful tea pots to the shelf down below (so they can still be seen), and put the various glasses on that shelf.

While I was planning all this, I had an idea for the food shelves that have never been perfect.  I have all my spices jammed into a cabinet, and if you try to get anything out, several fall out.  I won't do a spice rack on the counter because of visual clutter, so there they've stayed.  Last night, I had the brilliant idea of a spice rack on the inside of the cabinet door, and you've never seen me get to Target so quick.

So, by the end of today, I hope to have a cool, efficient set-up for cocktails, annoying spices moved, better use of my food cabinet.

Will there be sometihng next in the Reorg saga?  No clue.  But I do know that it's not just making my space more efficient or making it work better or more useful or whatever.  It's making it more me.

The Year of Hell Part 2

After I wrote the Year of Hell Part 1 post, I counted the bullet points that made up the Year of Hell.  17.  No wonder it's the Year of Hell. 

17.  That's a staggering number of things and situations to deal with in a relatively short period of time. AND I've remembered others that should be on the list, but got forgotten.  Oh, and stuff gets added in real time (as opposed to remembering past things), hence, the Year of Hell Part 1 1/2.

So what in the world could the Year of Hell Part 2 be about?  Isn't Part 1 bad enough?  Yes, and that's why the Part 2.  (And where I really deviate from the Voyager episode.)

The Year of Hell Part 1 has been made bearable (some days barely; other days there are instances of pure joy) by the following:

• Intense, love-filled, conscious, and intentional relationships.  I could list each and every one of them here, and that would help outnumber the 17 bullet points in Part 1.
• I can actually - and do frequently - think about what I'm grateful for, and I'm a VERY lucky girl to have the types of relationships in my life that I do - from romantic partner to BFF to dear friends to daughters.
• I BE in the world.  I try to give everything my intentional focus, instead of multi-tasking.  Now, there are times that I multi-task, but I'm conscious of those.  But when I'm working or spending time with my loved ones, THAT is my focus.  It can take a lot of energy to focus and be intentional - at times - but it is so the way I want to be.
• I've formed some new friendships where the other person and I were willing to jump in with both feet and explore our new relationships.  That's rare, and I so celebrate the courage, openness, and love from these new friends.
• My relationship with my daughters is better than ever.  I constantly find myself amazed at the maturity and intelligence.  Teen Child, in particular, has a mature, complex way of understanding the world, meaning she gets life concepts that I bet many adults can't grasp. I actually get to have real, meaningful conversations with them.
• I've created a warm, rich, loving, energy-filled, sacred environment.  I frequently sit on my couch, look around, and almost pinch myself at my good fortune to have created (I will absolutely take credit for this - I'm proud of it!) and live in this space.
• I've become more open to other ways of being in the world, and I have finally - for the first time in my life - embraced the real Dawn.  She had been hiding for a long time (for good reason), and she's finally safe enough to show herself.
• I've written some short stories and even a poem I'm proud of.  While I would love to spend more time writing, I'm proud of what I have accomplished, especially given the Year of Hell Part 1.
• Despite pressure from individuals (one of the things that should have been added to the other 17 bullet points but was forgotten), I have kept my boundaries intact in order to keep myself safe.
• I have incredible, amazing, deeply fulfilling, creative relationships with my clients.  I adore each and every one of them, and I feel honored and blessed that they have let me into their lives and their businesses so deeply.
• My workstyle has shifted.  Some of it's due to a new organizational system, and maybe that was all that was needed, but my productivity, creativity, and efficiency have shot through the roof.
• I'm teaching the Writing Essentials Program, and I have a class filled with four amazing women who take the courageous step to work on their writing, give everything they have to this class, are eager to learn, and constantly amaze me with their enthusiasm and level of work.  I would teach three of these at once if I had classes full of people like these four women.
• I get to travel.  Yes, most of it is to visit my beloved, and I see some amazing places.  And I get to travel for and with my clients, and that feels like yummy dessert.
• I've asked for help, especially after my surgery.  While it's still VERY hard for me to do, I'm proud that I've taken that one baby step.
• There are some amazing possibilities out there; the sky is the limit. I don't feel boxed in or trapped - by anything.  There are programs I can develop, classes I can teach, products I can create, work opportunities....
• I'm in a constant state of exploration - relationships, spirituality, work, writing, possibilities.  Again, the sky is the limit.
• And a tangible win.  During my last trip, I had a voice mail from my gynocologist when the plane landed for my connection in Denver.  "Call me," the message said.  Knowing that I was going to be absolutely unavailable once I got on my connecting flight, I left a return message imploring my doctor to call before my next flight took off or after it landed.  Within fifteen minutes I had a call.  "How are you?" he asked.  "Uh, I don't know.  *You* tell me how I am."  "You're fine," he said. So the other travellers in the Denver airport were treated to the sight of a woman sobbing in the middle of the concourse.  When I called M to tell him the news, he said, "Finally, a win.  I forgot what one of those looks like."

So, while I can't say, "See?  The Year of Hell isn't quite so bad" - because no matter what, it was and is hard, I'm grateful for my life. And, in case anyone is wondering, I'd prefer Part 2 to Part 1.  Just sayin'.

And here's to many more wins.

The Year of Hell Part 1 1/2

Just when I thought I could be done with the Year of Hell Part 1.... Much like the actual Voyager episode - things keep getting worse.

Not only did I miss some points that should have been part of the list, but then we've gotten some new ones....

M's brother-in-law, already spiralling down with Parkinson's and paranoia issues, now is in renal failure.  That was Wednesday's news.

And then today's news that my grandmother died.  While it was expected since she had decided two weeks ago to not live, it was still some of the hardest words I've ever heard.  And now the person who was the closest thing I had to a mother is gone.  Forever. Yes, I know she'll live forever in my heart and all that blah blah blah that people say to make the surviving feel better, but she's still gone.

While the Year of Hell Part 2 is still valid (you'll understand when I can bear to post it), the Year of Hell Part 1 (or 1 1/2) is still very much in play.

The Year of Hell Part 1

My beloved adores Star Trek, so some of our conversations turn to Star Trek for important and necessary metaphors. The last few months (more on that in Part 1 below) have been just short of (and sometimes right in line with) horrific. 

Yet, we go on.  We have to; there seems to be no other choice but to go forward in the original direction. (Yes, I realize there *is* a choice, but that's another post for another time.)

In order to go on, we normalize the situation.  We make the bed, brush our teeth, cook dinner, work, go to the grocery store.... Occasionally we might try to do "normal," fun things like write, go shopping, go to the movies, read a book.

And then we think life is fine.... "Hey, I just went to the movies!"

But it's not.  It's the Year of Hell.

Star Trek Voyager had a two-part episode called "The Year of Hell." Because of life in the last few months, M made sure we watched it last time I visited.  While this post doesn't follow the format of the Voyager episodes (sorry, Star Trek fans), it is a great metaphor.

In the episode, the crew of Voyager have to survive - and survive - and survive against seemingly unsurmountable odds (and it doesn't help that time keeps shifting, and they're put in worse situations than before).

Part 1 of my Year of Hell

• So while I could start with truly a year ago (enduring the second year of separation while still living in the same house, trying to sell the house, moving into a new place, adjusting to a new life, helping my children adjust to a new life, new schools for both girls, new relationship), that seems so old and far away that it almost seems not real, or almost tame in comparison. This Year of Hell starts in November with the first blip in my relationship with M where I wasn't sure the "us" would survive.  The "us" did survive, but it took a lot of work and introspection.  And, in reality, it was about a week and a half.  A week and a half of pure hell (no pun intended), and we were committed to working through it - hence, why it was "only" a week and a half.
• As part of that working through it, M visited in December.  His visit ended with a trip to my ophthalmologist to check on my eyes, and I found out I had to have eye surgery - again.  After two previous surgeries, the first of which did not go well, I wasn't super excited about it.  To be more blunt, I had to constantly work to center and ground myself and to stave off depression.
• The day M got home from his trip here, he found out his mother had brain cancer, and she started treatment that day.
• December, with its frontload of holidays and my car's seeming need for big repair every December, my financial situation was not looking good.  I rallied and came up with a solution, but there were a few hours where I wasn't sure what was going to happen to me.
• And since it was December, it was the first Christmas for my girls that wasn't in the house where they had spent the majority of their lives.  Their father and I worked to make Christmas work for all of us, but there were definitely some emotions and constant vigilance to make that work.
• Oh, and I slid on the icy roads, and had to make a split-second decision about whether to hit a wooden fence or a brick pillar.  I went for the fence. (And now my poor car looks beat up.)
• By the end of the month, M's mother started to deteriorate, healthwise and mentally. 
• In January, I was planning my visit to M for two weeks, the longest we'd ever been together.  Two days after I got there, we admitted M's mother to the hospital, and we visited every day.  Her health and well-being deteriorated even more rapidly, and she died the day I was originally planning to leave.  I extended my trip, and did what I could to be of help, emotionally and in practical matters.
• Four days after I returned home, M came for my surgery.  My thinking was that I'd undergo surgery, and the weekend after, we'd be partying heartily.  (My experience after the second eye surgery was very positive - I was up and painting the bathroom within days - woo hoo!)  The immediate aftermath of the surgery was miserable - the worst nausea I've ever experienced and the anti-nausea pain medication brought it down from a 10 to 4 of nausea, not fun to be in a car driving home when nauseous.  Hence, recovery in the actual hospital took a very long time.
• And then after surgery - not only was there no partying, but there was extreme exhaustion, pain, and double vision.  The "few days" of double vision turned into weeks, and as of today, I still have double vision if I'm tired.
• Because of Dr. Guyton's original "it should only be a few days" and the worsening of the double vision after four days, I had the worst night of my life.  Extreme panic and anxiety that had me on the kitchen floor sobbing, really not sure if I was going to make it to the next day.
• I did make it to the next day, which brought muscle spasms that landed me in the ER.  M extended his visit as I was obviously in no shape to run my life. 
• Work suffered.  My productivity and energy level were well below normal.  I had to cancel (actually, I was forbidden by my client) attending my client's retreat where I would manage and help out.
• March - My annual papsmear came back abnormal, and instead of doing another one, my doctor did a culposcopy, which led him to do two biopsies.  And he wouldn't get the results for 10-14 days.  (Hello, this IS 2011.  What the heck could possibly take so long?) Let's add another wrinkle to the mix.
• My grandmother, always very healthy and vibrant, went into the hospital and had four surgeries in about eight days.  One to fix an aortic abdominal aneurism, and the other three to fix a bowel obstruction.  The surgeon removed parts of her small intestine during two of the surgeries, and the last surgery was to make sure all was well before they closed her up.
• Since then, in the last almost-two weeks, my grandmother, feeling like her life won't be what it once was, has decided she doesn't want to live. So, she's in hospice, refusing medical intervention, and waiting to die.
• During all this, M's brother-in-law suffers from Parkinson's, and his health has worsened considerably.  (What is it with all the health issues?) Along with physical deterioration, his mental facilities are going, and paranoia and dementia have ramped up.  M and his family have been providing care giving themselves, and they finally placed him in a managed care facility.  However, he's acted out, and he had to be admitted to the hospital for psych evaluation.  And it's not pleasant.

On a daily basis, I've had some of these items affecting me here and right now or, at the very least, in the background.  And it's not over.  My grandmother is still hanging on (which is making her mad), and the situation with M's brother-in-law isn't resolved yet.

Part 2 to come.