Simply the Best, a Group Writing Project

We can always count on Joanna to come up with great writing projects as well as intriguing writing themes.  This month's theme is "Simply the Best."  Joanna has challenged us to figure out what we think our best blog post from 2008 is and write why we think it's the best.

At first, I figured I'd go through every post I've written in 2008.  Yes, I'm thorough (or anal).  However, as I thought about it, I knew which post I'd choose. 

(Author's Note:  I did start from January and skimmed through the posts.  The minute I got to April - when I wrote the post I think is the best from 2008 - I knew I was right. I didn't go any further.)

Here's the link to the post:  "On the Fringe," and here it is in its entirety:

I've been giving a lot of thought to Laurell's idea about being a fringe animal.  I've always felt on the fringe and as if I didn't quite belong.  And even though I have friends who accept me for who I am in all my fringeness, I still don't feel that I belong to any one group.  And while I get that that may not be possible (finding one group where I feel completely at home), it's something that I've been dealing with - this sadness at not feeling a part of the herd.

I thought about that more.  It's not necessarily that I want that sameness of being in a herd of like animals.  It's that I want to feel protected, loved, and safe.  And I imagine that that is what one gets when one is part of a herd.  It goes back to the 5% thing Stacy and I talked about.  Here's what I commented on her blog about what my 5% is:

My sad 5% life thing is that I never had a mother who truly embodies what a mother should be: caring, loving, selfless, and willing to put her needs aside for the very real survival needs of her children.

I'll never have that, and there are times when it crops up so badly that all I want is a mom to hold me, stroke my hair, tell me it will all be okay, and that she'll take care of me.

I've never had it, and I never will have it. While there are people who, briefly, fulfill that mom role for me, it's never absolute and complete.

It's 5% because I have a really great life. I have a husband who loves and respects me, the two best daughters on the face of the earth, a few intense friends, a company I love, a house that provides comfort and sanctuary... the list goes on.

I just don't have the mother I want.

And so we're back to the fringe.  That need to be safe, loved, and protected is with me now.  It's one of my basic needs.  If we were talking about Maslow's hierarchy of needs, my personal need pyramid would include "to be safe, loved, and protected" at the very bottom, the most basic, the most core.

Lately, I often feel on the fringe, so that unmet need cries out even more.  I know much of it comes down to my book.  I'm afraid of so many things on so many levels where that book, and writing, are concerned.  And, yet, with all the fringeness and unmet needs, I still feel I'm on the right path.  It's just hard, and lately it hurts.

This post is simply the best because it's raw.  It was a breakthrough in how I felt, and I used words to process this shift.  I didn’t hold anything back, and I put myself completely out there. 

If you'd like to participate, visit Joanna's original article, read the details, and post by December 24.

I've been giving a lot of thought to Laurell's idea about being a fringe animal.  I've always felt on the fringe and as if I didn't quite belong.  And even though I have friends who accept me for who I am in all my fringeness, I still don't feel that I belong to any one group.  And while I get that that may not be possible (finding one group where I feel completely at home), it's something that I've been dealing with - this sadness at not feeling a part of the herd.

I thought about that more.  It's not necessarily that I want that sameness of being in a herd of like animals.  It's that I want to feel protected, loved, and safe.  And I imagine that that is what one gets when one is part of a herd.  It goes back to the 5% thing Stacy and I talked about.  Here's what I commented on her blog about what my 5% is:

My sad 5% life thing is that I never had a mother who truly embodies what a mother should be: caring, loving, selfless, and willing to put her needs aside for the very real survival needs of her children.

I'll never have that, and there are times when it crops up so badly that all I want is a mom to hold me, stroke my hair, tell me it will all be okay, and that she'll take care of me.

I've never had it, and I never will have it. While there are people who, briefly, fulfill that mom role for me, it's never absolute and complete.

It's 5% because I have a really great life. I have a husband who loves and respects me, the two best daughters on the face of the earth, a few intense friends, a company I love, a house that provides comfort and sanctuary... the list goes on.

I just don't have the mother I want.

And so we're back to the fringe.  That need to be safe, loved, and protected is with me now.  It's one of my basic needs.  If we were talking about Maslow's hierarchy of needs, my personal need pyramid would include "to be safe, loved, and protected" at the very bottom, the most basic, the most core.

Lately, I often feel on the fringe, so that unmet need cries out even more.  I know much of it comes down to my book.  I'm afraid of so many things on so many levels where that book, and writing, are concerned.  And, yet, with all the fringeness and unmet needs, I still feel I'm on the right path.  It's just hard, and lately it hurts.

Comments

[Joanna Young]

Dawn, what a great choice. It's a wonderful piece of writing, and you've got me here in floods of tears, thinking that I know you now.

[Dawn]

Thank you, Joanna. All I know is that one of my greatest wants is to know and be known.

And that's scary.

And I so desperately want to be able to do that with my writing.

Which is scary, too.

Thank you for giving me an opportunity to always push that envelope and stretch.

[Doug Hudiburg]

Great choice Dawn. Your courage shows through and is incredibly compelling.

Inspiring. :-)

[jimmie]

Wow. Truly powerful.

It really drives home my responsibility as a mom. Thanks for this post.