Lately, I've been so busy with life (brother coming back from Iraq, two visits up to Pittsburgh to visit said brother and rest of family, getting ill twice, elementary school talent show, and the like) and the professional side of things (AssistU, Write Well U) that I don't seem to have time to do anything.
I desperately want to cross-stitch and work on my photo albums, but when it comes time (because at least I am making the time), I just can't.
And of course there's guilt associated with all this:
- "My photo albums are so out of date. My poor children won't see the photos from Christmas 2003 until 2013."
- "I have five unfinished quilts just begging me to work on them."
- "I have a cross-stitch project that is this close to being done - yet, it's not done. What's wrong with me?"
- "I should be working on my novel." (Gosh, I said it out loud again!)
- "My bookshelves are sagging with the weight of unread books."
Now I really do try to be gentle on myself and understand that while I'm pouring my creative energies into Write Well U, there's not really much left over for other creative stuff.
The first time I realized this was back after I started Virtual Angel. Before that, I quilted, cross-stitched, had all my photo albums up to date, and worked on any miscellaneous project that came my way (decoupage, anyone?). Once I started Virtual Angel, I had another outlet for my creativity. I designed websites, which takes a whole of creativity, and collaborated with my clients on their projects and goals, which takes even more. I soon found that I just sat and stared at a blank photo album page; I had no clue what I wanted to do with this page. So it stayed blank.
And that was okay. For a time.
Then last year, I realized that I was burnt out from my work as a VA and that my passions were driving me in a different direction. I slowed down, and I was much happier and excited about my life and my new business.
But I still didn't have much time for my side projects.
There was the situation with my eyes (and it's still here - thank you for asking) and getting geared up for my Write Well U beta class (which continues through March). There really isn't much time, or space, for my hobbies.
I started thinking about that, and it reminded me of a quotation I saw recently. Paraphrased, it's that if you say you don't have time for something, you're saying no to that thing. So, I'm saying no to these things like cross-stitching and photo albums. Why? Because I just don't have any creative space in my brain for these activities. What if I want to have creative space for them? Well, then that means I have to create more and bigger space in my life so that I can do it all (yeah, yeah, that's another Dawn Thing).
Then I start thinking, "Geez. How can I create any more space?" I already don't clean my own house (except for keeping it uncluttered), I rarely cook (except once or twice a week), the laundry piles up until we have no choice but to cart it down and start a load, and I closed Virtual Angel to have more time for me. What else is there left to do?
The answer is probably (and I don't particularly care for this answer) is that now may just not be the time for me to be particularly crafty and turn out pages of photo albums, a dozen quilts, several cross-stitch patterns, a novel, all the while creating a new company. All by Sunday!
But I want to!
Christine wrote about how her coach told her to "take lots of naps because expansion takes energy, and naps are good for self-care and energy."
Oh, I've been napping all right!
Seriously, I like the idea of things expanding and that expansion taking energy. I feel it! Sometimes that expansion energy is self-reproducing, and I could do more and more and more... But it's directed toward one thing, and the minute that I want to be creative in a different area - Bam! No interest, no motivation, no energy.
I'll continue to do what I want to do when I can do it, be at peace about it, concentrate on Write Well U when appropriate, and nap as much as I can.
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